After a Week of Commuting

It's just over a week ago that I brought home my new to me Suzuki GS500. I've got a week of commuting under my belt and I've realized that I never paid as much attention to the road in my car as I do on the motorcycle. Exhilarating and frightening all at once, the drive is an entirely different experience.

I do think that I enjoy driving a motorcycle...which is good, since I no longer have a car. It is definitely a solo pursuit as I do not plan on carrying any passengers for at least a year. I guess I just need to convince my friends to get bikes or make new friends with their own motorcycles...we could have a gang.

-not so motogp jonathon

Shasta Slide Show

So, there weren't any summit shots for me, but the rest are still pretty cool. I'll have to go back next year so that I can see what's on the other side of this mountain...

Enjoy!

To see the full album, visit: http://picasaweb.google.com/j.glazebrook/MtShasta

-channeling ansel adams jonathon

Thursday Traps

I've got nothing important or groundbreaking to add today, so why not finish off the traps? Sound like a plan - ok...well here they are:

Trap #14: The Trap of Fear

I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you have done in your life. You have been scared. There is not one person one this planet who can truthfully say he has never been scared in his life. There is a nice quote I know. Here it is. “Courage is not a lack of fear, but is acting in spite of it”--Mark Twain. If you let your fears run your life, then your life will have been in vain. Face up to your fears. Look them in the eye and tell them you aren’t a coward. Never back down. You run your life, not your damn fears. Put your chin up and walk straight to your fear, look at it, and just do it. Do the thing that has scared you for your entire life. Just go for it. You are not a coward and you are in control of your own life. Fear is just another one of the many obstacles that stand in the way of living. Don’t let it defeat you.

Trap #15: The Trap of Purpose

We all look for the answer. That is probably why you’re reading this, and it’s probably why I’m writing this. Most of the people on Sosuave.com are looking for a piece of writing or a few words that will change their life. You won’t find them. No one ever has and no one ever will. The answers are not here. The only thing that is here are tools and ideas that can help others find their own answers. You must do everything for yourself. Great things have been posted here and great things will continue to be posted here, but nothing here has forever changed a person’s life. Nothing posted here has given a person all the answers. Searching for all the answers is a lost cause. You won’t find them. There aren’t answers to every question. You have been given the gift of life. Quit wasting it by searching for a purpose and answers to all your questions.

Trap #16: The Trap of Superiority

You aren’t the best. I’m not the best. Accept this. Accept the fact that you will never achieve perfection and that you are not the best and never will be. You do not run the world and you do not own it. You are a part of a whole. All of us are shaping your life. You live amongst us. We have thoughts, problems, and lifes just as complex and diverse as yours. Quit calling people gay, weird, stupid, or any other derogatory names. You are wasting your damn time. You are not the only person on this planet that matters. Deal with it. Quit living in your own little dream world where you and only you matter.

Trap #17: The Trap of Wishing You Were Something

Remember when you were a kid? Everyone told you, “you can be anything you want to be.” Probably by now you have learned that this is a load of crap. You can’t and won’t be everything you want to be. It is impossible. What is misinterpreted is that you have to WORK to achieve something, if you just sit around wishing things will change they never will. Life is about being in the right place in the right time. It is not about what cards you get, but instead how you play the cards you hold. We are all different, but we all have one thing in common. Our dreams of life and happiness will never be completely fulfilled. The only thing you can do is accept this dark and scary fact of life and approach it with a smile and a happy personality. That’s all you can do. Good luck accepting the fact that you will never achieve everything, it takes us all a while to do. If you want to get better at something, then you have to work for it, not "wish" you had it, or could do something. Get working, stop wishing!!!

Trap #18: The Trap of Being “Mature” Instead of Having Fun

I see people do this all the time. You’ll know exactly what I’m talking about too. You know that person who always avoids having fun? Why do you think he/she does this? He/She in his/her little mind thinks he/she is being mature by not having fun. There is a fine line between maturity and having fun. Listen to the Webster definition of maturity. Mature: having completed natural growth and development. Where in the hell does it say anything about having fun? Stop using the excuse, “I’m too mature for that”. You are only making your life miserable. Have fun. Being mature and having fun are two entirely separate issues, but for some reason in our society today, people link the two of them. Don’t be another one of society’s **** ups.

Trap #19: The Trap of Fearing to Get Close to a Person

You have probably been afraid of opening up to a person, as you have probably have met someone who is afraid of opening up to another person. Don’t be afraid. Get close to people. Don’t worry about the pain you might feel if something happens between you two. Get close, enjoy that time you spend close to each other. Sure if you stay away from people, you might never feel pain, but you also will never feel this little sensation called love.

Trap #20: The Trap of Not Looking for Personnel Problems

Every person has flaws. They do not eliminate 100% of their flaws by the time they die either. It is impossible. We look at ourselves and find everything we can possibly find wrong with ourselves and aim to fix it. We do this until we die. Most all of other people do not even believe they have problems. They believe they are fine the way they are, because they can accept a mediocre life. Thinking about living a mediocre life makes me sick, as it should most others. Accept your problems, but ALWAYS try to fix them. “When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either” --Leo Burnett

Trap #21: The Trap of Lack of Risk

You have to take risks to enjoy your life. Without risk there is no fun. Without fun there is no reason for living. All the life wasted because of depression, suicide, and stupidity makes me sick. It makes me sick that I used be depressed, didn’t see my flaws and didn’t try to fix them, and finally that I didn’t take any risks. I don’t even see how I was so dumb. Take risks, live your life, and just freaking do it. You see? You cannot lose something you never have had. Take that risk and do something exciting, you won’t regret it.

Trap #22: The Trap of Why

Why? Why is one of the most complex words in our language. Without this question humans would have nothing to do. Looking for answers to the question why can keep us occupied, but I believe the question why is an illusion. It holds us back from our lives. Searching for answers is not the way to live your life. You should accept things the way they are. Live. Live your life!!! Stop looking for a purpose, stop looking for answers, and most importantly stop believing all those lies you have heard about what’s normal. Stop worrying, stop analyzing, stop all of your complicated thinking. Close your eyes for a minute and just stop thinking. Then I want you to take a deep breath, click the exit program button, and go out and live your life.

Source of this article: http://www.allananova.com/

Almost There

The chilled wind swept across my face stinging my tear-filled eyes. Tear drops rolled slowly down my cheeks oddly leaving behind a modicum of warmth in their salty tracks. I was sitting in the left route around The Heart just above Avalanche Gulch (two features on the South side of Mt. Shasta), short roped to five other climbers with my knees to my chest in an effort to regain some warmth. Never in my life had I felt more humiliation or sense of defeat than as I sat on that mountain side and watched as other climbers continued by me in their pursuit of the summit. The tears and sadness came easily, the breathing did not.

I don't know why I was so disappointed in not making the summit. Though with all the things that had been torn from my grasp and sent spiraling out of control over the past few months, I suppose that I felt that making the top of the mountain was something that was within in my grasp and that achieving it would somehow make up for all my other losses. Regardless, there I was at about 12,500 ft - the highest I had ever climbed - wading through a sense of depression and helplessness that I hadn't felt in months.

Waking at midnight, we had been climbing for about eight hours before I decided to turn around. It was not an easy decision for myself, but I knew that I was slowing the group down and there was still about three hours of climbing left to make the 14,179 ft summit. If Blair and Brent had any chance of making the top before the turn around time, I knew that I couldn't climb with them any more - I was too weak to keep up the pace. At the time, I couldn't breathe, my head was spinning and pounding, and an overwhelming sense of nausea kept me from moving too fast. All symptoms of acute pulmonary edema; I knew the only way to feel better was to go down. I put my hands up in defeat and started climbing down to another group that was being short-roped to base camp.

The trek down proved to be just as energy-sapping as the ascent. My legs felt like Jello by the time we reached base camp. I curled up in my sleeping bag and slept fitfully for several hours; the pounding headache, labored breathing, and constant coughing prevented me from getting any actual restful sleep. I was woken by one of the mountain guides several hours later to check on my condition - there was some concern as to whether or not I should start my way down to the trail head another 1,200 ft below base camp. I opted to stick around for a while, still feeling too weak to make the hike down. In my tired and weakened state, my mind flitted around, landing occasionally on things that I had no desire to think about. It was all I could do to choke back the sobs - I didn't want others worrying about me more than they already were especially since the tears were no longer pooling in my eyes as a result of feeling as sick as I did.

Around 4 PM I managed to get camp packed up and started down with Eric, one of the guides, and Meera, another climber who had injured her leg. The descent was slow and easy, though I still felt as if my energy levels were well below normal. About an hour after leaving base camp we reached the trail head and parking lot. Not far behind were the other climbers - everyone was worn out, but happy to be back. By the time I had reached the bottom, I didn't know whether to be happy, sad, disappointed, proud, or anything else. I was sad for reasons not related to the climb, I was defeated because of it, and I had a sense of loss that was linked to something else entirely - somehow all of my disappointments and feelings from the past four months had become intertwined and inseparable...

Now, several days later, after getting some much needed rest, I can look back on the experience objectively. I realize that I did my best at the time, but my body gave up on me in a manner not uncommon for a number of climbers who attempt to summit. I climbed higher than I ever had before and I raised money for a great cause. As for everything else, I realize now that my emotions had been assaulted in large part due to my lack of sleep. Maybe it's a cop-out, but I've slept on it all and have once again pushed everything to the back of my mind as best I can and am continuing forward.

Reflecting on everything now, I am proud of myself for trying, happy that I made it as far as I did, and I am determined to go back and defeat the mountain. Shasta isn't going anywhere and neither am I - next time I will make it to the top.

-hypoxic jonathon

Changes. Challenges. Cheers!

Its funny how things can change in an instant. Its funny how I can be sitting on a train a few nights ago alone with my stitched up hand (I've since removed the stitches...) going home to no one and yet still feel as good as I did and still do. Right now, I have my health (relatively), I have my friends (remotely), and REM on the iPod – Shiny Happy People no less – and I don’t need anyone else in my life to provide me these things. For the longest time I had thought that happiness stemmed in large part from what others could bring into your life, and to a certain extent that is true. But to a larger degree, it is one’s own self that creates the true happiness. It’s not that I didn’t know this before, but I relied so heavily on others to provide me with happiness that I had forgotten, or worse, never learned how to make myself truly happy. Despite my actions in the past being perceived as being selfish, I have realized that selfishness wasn’t the motivation – if it was, there is a good chance it would have worked, but it didn’t.

In some ways, losing what I thought was the greatest thing in my life has made me realize that there are so many other great things out there waiting for me. Do I still regret the loss – of course, but it’s not going to rule me…things are looking up for a change. I will always remember fondly the time we spent together, but I’ve been spending more time looking forward to the great times ahead. I have long since moved on from that loss, despite what most people think – sure I still think about it, but that doesn’t mean that I’m dwelling; I’m just trying to learn and grow. And, though, at one time I felt there was something worth fighting for, I now know that there isn’t – at least not what I was originally fighting for. I'll always fight, though; there is always something worth fighting for.

So, while I search for my one thing to fight for, I will raise my glass to give thanks to everything we had, to everything I’ve yet to receive, and offer my heartiest congratulations and well wishes to those I’ve lost and those they’ve found happiness in. I can do this, because for the first time in my life, I’ve found happiness in me…that and I get to climb up a big mountain this weekend! We’ll raise a glass to that one later.

Cheers!

-jonathon, just jonathon

Someone's Got a Case of the Mondays

...and it's me. I was so busy this weekend I barely slept at all - I am exhausted. The sooner this day gets over, the better. My bed is calling my name...loudly!

-fallin' asleep at the wheel jonathon

Easy Rider

Today was the last day of my Motorcycle Safety Foundation class and I am now officially ready to be less of a danger to myself and others on the road! I will probably take my license test after I get back from climbing Mt Shasta. On a side note, I reached my fundraising goal - thanks to all who donated!

The MSF course is split into three days - one classroom course and two days of riding. The classroom course was on Wednesday and scored 100% on my written test - good for me, but it was no indication of how I'd actually ride the motorcycle. I wouldn't find that out till I showed up at the range at 6:45 AM on Saturday.

Saturday and Sunday were spent practicing accelerating, braking, turning, weaving, avoiding accidents, running over obstacles, and various other skills. Frighteningly enough my worst skill was panic stopping, though I was able to finally nail it. Regardless, the two days culminate with the final skills test. For this test you start with a score of zero and must demonstrate all of the skills you have learned - for every mistake you make, you are awarded points up to 20. If you get 21 points, you fail. I scored one point through the entire test and scored highest in the class - yay me!

I actually celebrated a little in advance and bought all of my gear yesterday. Now that I've completed the course, I can go back to the store and they'll refund me 15% of my purchase price - sweet. The other thing I did yesterday, even though I haven't sold the car yet, was to buy a bike. That's right, I am the proud owner of a 2002 Suzuki GS500!

This is the actual bike...it's just still at the dealership in Marin.

I am totally stoked and ready to ride, though I have learned enough to know that I need a little more practice before I start riding to work every day. I pick up the bike in two weeks...anyone want to go riding with me? On your own bike of course - I'm certainly not carrying passengers just yet.

-easy ridin' jonathon