Changes. Challenges. Cheers!

Its funny how things can change in an instant. Its funny how I can be sitting on a train a few nights ago alone with my stitched up hand (I've since removed the stitches...) going home to no one and yet still feel as good as I did and still do. Right now, I have my health (relatively), I have my friends (remotely), and REM on the iPod – Shiny Happy People no less – and I don’t need anyone else in my life to provide me these things. For the longest time I had thought that happiness stemmed in large part from what others could bring into your life, and to a certain extent that is true. But to a larger degree, it is one’s own self that creates the true happiness. It’s not that I didn’t know this before, but I relied so heavily on others to provide me with happiness that I had forgotten, or worse, never learned how to make myself truly happy. Despite my actions in the past being perceived as being selfish, I have realized that selfishness wasn’t the motivation – if it was, there is a good chance it would have worked, but it didn’t.

In some ways, losing what I thought was the greatest thing in my life has made me realize that there are so many other great things out there waiting for me. Do I still regret the loss – of course, but it’s not going to rule me…things are looking up for a change. I will always remember fondly the time we spent together, but I’ve been spending more time looking forward to the great times ahead. I have long since moved on from that loss, despite what most people think – sure I still think about it, but that doesn’t mean that I’m dwelling; I’m just trying to learn and grow. And, though, at one time I felt there was something worth fighting for, I now know that there isn’t – at least not what I was originally fighting for. I'll always fight, though; there is always something worth fighting for.

So, while I search for my one thing to fight for, I will raise my glass to give thanks to everything we had, to everything I’ve yet to receive, and offer my heartiest congratulations and well wishes to those I’ve lost and those they’ve found happiness in. I can do this, because for the first time in my life, I’ve found happiness in me…that and I get to climb up a big mountain this weekend! We’ll raise a glass to that one later.

Cheers!

-jonathon, just jonathon