Most movies have the joy, hope, and happily ever after all taken care of. It must be said, though, that those things constitute a pretty shallow understanding of what love really is. A movie could never adequately cover all the complexity and emotion that is true love - most movies couldn't even scratch the surface. Movies will never show the pain and sacrifice of love, they will never show the true emotion, nor will they will ever show the work and dedication that love requires.
The truth is that love is a complex and wonderful thing that can cause either the greatest happiness or the greatest pain you have ever experienced. When it is right, love is the best thing ever and the source of some of the most carefree and blissful moments of your life. You think that there is nothing that could ever touch the happiness that you are feeling or the joy that surrounds you. Sometimes though, as Nazareth put it, love hurts. Love can give you your best introspective moments and teach you life's greatest, and often hardest, lessons. Ultimately, however, true love is a good thing to have in your life whether it is in the form of euphoria or in the lessons learned from it.
I have found that true love, while powerful and often unconditional, isn't without its limits. True love can be damaged or broken through neglect, being taken for granted, or even through misunderstanding. Sometimes the damage caused by neglect, whether intentional or not, can be more than a person can take at a given time. I am an idealist, though, and I feel that if the love is true and genuine, it can never be lost entirely. Maybe true love will come back, maybe it will take on another form, but it never completely goes away. It is all dependent on both parties recognizing and accepting it as true love. Despite all of this, true love isn't a given - it is still earned on a daily basis through words, actions, and thoughts.
I always told myself that I would only say "I love you" to one person in my life and that person would be the one with whom I would spend my remaining years. Upon reflection, I've realized that this belief, while genuine, was a little naive. Love isn't an absolute for just one person in your life. It hurts to lose someone that you love, but it is reasonable to assume that you can love more than that "one person" in your lifetime. As trite as it sounds, there are lots of fish in the sea, and many that you can love to varying degrees as they enter your life...assuming you love fish.
The thing about love is, though it sometimes smacks you on the head at an unexpected moment, you have to be ready for it, and ready to work for it. Sometimes you may not be prepared even though you thought you were. Your love for the other may be genuine, but if you aren't ready for it, you can lose it all before you know it. That loss, however, isn't a bad thing, because it is helping to prepare you for next time; it is helping to make you realize that you are whole on your own even without the person you loved. And even if you are caught unaware by love again, you'll be a better person and better prepared for the road and the work that lay ahead.
Who knows, you may even find that the love you weren't ready for was "the one", and then if you are up for it, you fight for it. Though it must be cautioned that the battlefields that lay ahead of you will be dark and hurtful places. Chasing after love is not for the meek or the weak-hearted. This is a task for only the most noble of souls and the most daring of lovers. Most people will caution against it because of the potential for hurt and pain. They will say that things ended for a reason and that you shouldn't tempt fate. I feel that we learn from things both good and bad, and if it is more hurt and pain that is in your future, then you must be willing to accept it and grow from it once more. But if you feel strongly enough about anything in your life, especially love, sometimes you do have to fight for it.
If it wasn't for my love and loss I never could have written any of this - I would never have had this perspective. Love is a funny thing. You can't predict it, you can't plan for it, you can't force it on someone else, and you really can't really understand it unless you've lost it. I am no exception to this rule. Up to this point I had a string of short relationships that never amounted to much. My last relationship, however, lasted nearly three and a half years and was the source of the greatest happiness I have ever felt, a pain that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies, and ultimately an enlightenment and understanding of love that I wouldn't have found anywhere else.
I know that I have felt love and given it, and I have experienced pain and caused it. I have also learned and grown - I am becoming a better version of the person I was before. Ultimately I'm convinced that right now everything that has happened is for the best. I've come to learn that I wasn't ready to love her as completely as she needed because of things in my life that I needed to work out on my own. While I'm still working on these things and making myself complete, I have learned what it takes to really love someone and what in myself was preventing me from doing that.
For all of this learning, you may be wondering what's next for me. It's taken a while, but I've realized that the love I felt and am still feeling is true, it is real, it is unconditional, it is damaged, but it is worth repairing, and it is worth fighting for in whatever form it may take. I know that I'm ready for the long road ahead whatever it may bring.
Only time will tell what may happen next, but despite everything, I think that life still has a "happily ever after" in it for me somewhere.
-jonathon
No comments:
Post a Comment