This transcendent ideal is in many ways similar to my musings from a month ago saying that we need to live in the moment, that we need not speed through life at breakneck speed. We need to measure our lives in the little things that happen to us on a daily basis and seek happiness in those little accomplishments rather than waiting for the next big thing to happen in our life. We need to love and live in the moment - the past has already happened, and the future can't happen without now, so what are we waiting for?
I've spent the past few months wondering about what went wrong, what I did, what I could have done, and through all my searching for answers all I could do was cry for what had been lost. All I could do was mourn the fact that I had lost the person who I had held closer to my heart than anyone before. Despite my claims of epiphany and closure, it all added up to nothing, and I ended back in the same spot over and over.
It wasn't until I listened to Seasons of Love and went back and reread that old post that I realized I was doing things all wrong. Now, I know that I loved her to the best of my ability, and despite all the "answers" I've found, I still don't think I could have done any better, and that's ok. She's happy now, and so am I - there is so much going on in my life right now that is exciting and wonderful (mixed with an odd string of bad luck), I can't help but be happy.
I don't need answers, or closure, or to move on, or to do anything other than live and love. I'm doing just that, and nothing else matters - that's how I'm measuring my life.
-lyrical jonathon
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